I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
