Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
