I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
