i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I bet he comes in French.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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