She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
