Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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