Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
