Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
