Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
