My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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