Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
