I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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