Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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