Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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