actually, I'm a sock model
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
