i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize