I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
