so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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