thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
