The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
