im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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