that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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