doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
