grandma shit on top of the toilet
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
