Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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