and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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