sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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