Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
