Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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