Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
