I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i believe in u and ur pee
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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