shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
