You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
