Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
