cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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