yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
