Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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