Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
