Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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