I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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