My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
