I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
