so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
