Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
