dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
