I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
