Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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