Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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