Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
