I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
