Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
