chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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