Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
