five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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