Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
