Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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