Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
