How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
