You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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