Kiss
Puke
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
