U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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