There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
