Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
