My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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