I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
