I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
