I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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