No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
