Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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