Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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