I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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