He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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