I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
