i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize