you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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