But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
