if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
