Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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