you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
