So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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