she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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