why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drake has all the answers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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