took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
