just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
