she woke up with a sticky ear
do herpes really smell.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
