I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize