this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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