soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
