We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
as a side note pls kill me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
