Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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