Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize