oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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