some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm like, not good at living.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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