his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize