How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
