At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
