stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
