this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
