Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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