But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
