If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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