Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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