I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
