I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
