Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize