Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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