i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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