fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
