Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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