Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We are all done wearing pants today
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
