If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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