I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
