Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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