I'm so fucking centered right now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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