I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
