i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
