Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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