I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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