No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
