how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
