If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
